Why Grit?

Recently, I was forwarded a letter sent to all Webb School parents by headmaster Scott Hutchinson.  The excerpts below have been used with his permission:

"It is an increasingly common observation among educators and employers that this upcoming generation lacks the 'grit' to be a powerful and positive force in the workplace of tomorrow. By most accounts, this is true in large part because our children in general have not experienced, and worked themselves through, failure in various scenarios throughout their lives. They have not heard enough nor successfully processed enough constructive criticism to fully develop or participate in the critique process inherent in the workplace where they will spend the bulk of their careers."

Hutchinson's ideas echo Madeline Levine, author of the 2012 publication, Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success.  In her book, Levine points out that college admissions counselors describe today's students as "'failure deprived'" (184).  She goes on to assert that giving children opportunities to develop resilience--a non-cognitive skill--contributes far more to their overall success than focusing only on intellectual development.  

But in order for a child to develop resilience, s/he has to fail first. Which, as Hutchinson points out, can be hard for parents to tolerate:

"[R]escuing a child from any type of crisis or failure is so easy for me to recognize because I am so guilty of this as a parent. I am only now understanding how often I shortcut an important process by bailing my child out when a storm is on the horizon. . . . [M]any of us, when we are not fully thinking through the long-term consequences of our actions but just trying to ease the short-term discomfort of our child, find ourselves stepping into an equation that would best be served without us."

The tendency for parents to shield our children from the unpleasantness that accompanies failure can be well-intentioned.  No one wants her child to be discouraged.  And allowing her to experience such feelings is often seen as poor parenting.

But I'd argue that it's not.

In fact, I wonder whether making a habit of rescuing a child from failure--a practice I'll call over-parenting--may be a primary contributor to many of the problems our children face today.  Problems like apathy, low confidence, entitlement.  

And a lack of resilience, which our children desperately need.

Hutchinson acknowledges that stepping back as a parent isn't just counterintuitive; it's downright hard, and he admits his own struggle to do so.

"I am guilty as charged, and knowing what I should do . . . and having the discipline to do it may still be a ways off."

Obviously, it takes grit to help children develop grit.

But our willingness to do just that--to step back, to stop overparenting, to sacrifice the time and energy it takes to allow children to strengthen their resilience muscles--this may be one of the most powerful ways we will equip them to become self-sufficient, competent, and confident individuals.

[by Anne Lowry Pharr, gritology moderator]

Work Cited  

Levine, Madeline.  Teach Your Children Well:  Parenting for Authentic Success.  New York:  HarperCollins Publishers, 2012.